tell your sister to shave her snatch
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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