can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize