I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
