I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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