Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
