I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
