life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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