yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
