if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
