Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
