Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
