wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
tell me about the fingering
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