I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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