Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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