did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
