He uses pillows to masturbate.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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