i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
