we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
