if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize