I cut my penus on the lid.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
