His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
