he referred to my room as the tit cave...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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