i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
