I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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