Sponge bath it is.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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