So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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