I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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