she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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