I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
