Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
