What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
