I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
