it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize