when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
