Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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