I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
