my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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