she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
