Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
