Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I faked an abortion last night.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
