I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
id be glad to
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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