So drunk its hurt
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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