Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
