Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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