Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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