She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
