Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Your penis caused this!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize