Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
