Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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