theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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