in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
