drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
