im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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