Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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