So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
