I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
