he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
