Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
