remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
