and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
