We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
