I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
