I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
