Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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