you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The uberlube is also flammable
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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