Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I touched a dick in church today
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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