i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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