If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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