so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
