ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
