i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
