i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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