We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
