Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
