if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
