peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
wow bdsm is so cute
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
