I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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