he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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