you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
