You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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