I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
