My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
