I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
