At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
