Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
