Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
