Life is so much better after having sex.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
