I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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