I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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