She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
