i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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