how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
