I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
