I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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