I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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