There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
