im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
