I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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