I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
