Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
