I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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