Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
