I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
