I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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