There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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