I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
