OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
