New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
