Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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