Michael Bay diarrhea
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
