he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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