we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
