I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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