She is in my trunk
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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