I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
